The Ultimate Road Trip: Marriage Edition – 5 Tips For Liking Your Partner

You know what no one expects?

Well, besides the Spanish Inquisition obviously.

A global pandemic and quarantine with their partner. But, here we are. So I’ve been reflecting on the last six months and how we handle being together

all

the

time.

We were already together most of the time being on this ultimate road trip, but let’s get into the nitty-gritty of what it’s like to live and work in a space the size of a hotel room.

Some of you may find this even more humorous than usual because you too have now been spending a much higher proportion of your day with your other half (or your kids) and so this will resonate more than it might have done a year ago.

We have always gotten off-handed comments about how hard it must be for us or how others would “kill” their partner if they spent as much time together as we do. We’ve been navigating our answers on this for a long time, but the main answer is often “yup, it’s a good thing we like each other so much – most days.”

That’s the key. That’s the key to this quarantine life. That’s the key to full-time travel with your partner. That’s the key to working side-by-side with your partner for twenty years like my parents have. Heck, that’s the key to most marriages. You’ve got to love the person, sure. But you’ve really got to *like* them as well.

Now, disclaimer: every relationship is different. And if you are tired of your partner in quarantine and wouldn’t want to live in a hotel room with them for 5 years, or work side by side or even have a marriage commitment – that’s ok. We recognize that we’ve chosen a lot of this life and it works for us. But we don’t judge those who want more autonomy from their partner.

I mean, ok, maybe we judged a celebrity couple that stayed married but lived in 2 separate houses next door to each other a little bit. But mostly we aren’t judgey people, so no shame in your game ok? If you’re happy, we’re happy for you. This is just a reflection of our experience for those that might be interested in a similar lifestyle.

With that said, here’s a few tips I’ve cultivated over the last few months (and years) on liking your partner up close.

Tip #1 – Remember why you love them first. Remind yourself of those things that give you butterflies and blushies when you think of them.

Here are a few things I love about Stephen.

He’s…

• Handsome
• Thoughtful
• Caring
• Compassionate
• Firm (when I need it)
• Hardworking
• Complimentary

Tip #2 – Now remember why you like them. It’s easy to find “unlikable” things about someone when they squeeze the toothpaste wrong (yet again), work too much, don’t work enough, don’t load the dishwasher “right,” don’t like cheese, etc. But, remembering why you’re also friends is important.

Here are a few things I like about Stephen.

He’s…

• Funny (yes I think nerdy puns are funny)
• Silly
• Hardworking (I love and like that about him)
• Smart
• Helpful
• Practical
• Domestically inclined (I hate cooking and doing dishes)
• Relaxed (I am definitely not so this really good yin to my yang)

(Stephen’s edit: I’d just like it to be known that I squeeze the toothpaste from the end. Shae’s the one that squeezes it from the middle like a heathen. And she’s the one that doesn’t load the dishwasher right – I’m the Tetris master! But I like her anyway 😉 )

Tip #3 – Now, when they’re being unlikable, try to see if there’s a quality that you do like being displayed and try to remind yourself that it’s different than you but still likable.

For example:

I have a problem. I tell Stephen about it. He provides many suggestions on how to improve it. I do not like his suggestions or that he is giving them and I definitely do not like his face at that moment. And I would like to tell him that he can take his suggestions and his face that I’ve had to look at on the couch for 3 months to the grocery store so I don’t have to look at it.

Reframe:

What I’ve always liked about Stephen is that he’s helpful and practical. This is his way of being both. I also love that he is thoughtful and he thinks this is that.

See, I can like him even in his unlikablity (which I know makes me come across super awesome right now since most people are going to be like “wow – you’re unreasonable Shae.”)

Now that I like him again, it’s a good time to kindly let him know that while I understand that he’s trying to be helpful, practical and thoughtful, it’s not really what I need right now. Could he please just listen and only provide suggestions if I ask for them or at a later time when I’m less upset.

Tip #4 – It’s ok to feel frustrated or mad – about all of it. But you need to discuss it too.

I think sometimes we need to be reminded that our feelings are just that… feelings. They come. They go. They’re usually a sign of something going on inside that we are either aware of or are just figuring out. And they are ok.

You can be mad that you decided to leave it all behind and travel full-time. You can be sad that you miss your friends and family. You can be frustrated that your partner is always there. You can have all these feelings.

The key is you must talk about them. With each other. Just bottling it up leads to less likability by all parties. It’s going to be hard, particularly at first as you learn this new skill together (and that’s what it is, it’s not generally an innate ability to be vulnerable), but you can do it. There will be mistakes and misunderstandings, but press on. You will like each other more in the end. Even if it’s just for the willingness to work through things imperfectly.

Tip #5 – Find your freedom.

Just because you’re “stuck” together all of the time doesn’t mean you have to be in each other’s face 24/7.

Here are a few things I’ve done to get some space in the last few months.

• Gone for a walk by myself
• Gone into another room to read
• Put on headphones in the same room (and even in the car)
• Done a virtual “paint night” or follow along with Bob Ross
• Done virtual “girls nights” with friends on Zoom
• Watched a Netflix series
• Watched all of a movie series in one day (I did this with Transformers) to tune out the other person and get immersed in some silliness
• Once things began to reopen I took myself, and my camera, to the zoo for a few hours and it was heavenly.
• Told my partner I needed some space at the house/hotel and (kindly) ask them to go find some fun elsewhere (especially for those homebody introverts that never leave!) – Stephen has taken Truffles for a hike or goes grocery shopping (yes, his fun is lame, don’t remind me.)

So there you have it. A few tips on how to still like your partner at the end of this quarantine, or if you choose to go all in on a travel adventure or work venture. And if you’re still looking for that right someone – figure out early on if you don’t just love them, but like them too. You won’t regret it.