The Ultimate Road Trip: Marriage Edition “Thriving Not Just Surviving!”

It’s me, Shae. Sorry it’s taken a few days longer to post this than I would have liked. Sadly, the boubons… the lurghy… whatever you like to call it had put me down for the count for over two weeks. But, I’m healing (thank you Doctor… and donuts) and it’s time to reflect on our year in a more personal way – just in case Stephen’s riveting posts about our stats this year haven’t filled that emotional gap in your heart.

After a year on the road, we’re settling into a ‘routine’ and figuring things out as we go. We still joke fondly about “aquarium wine-gate”, but have since moved beyond that disagreement. Just like any couple, we still have “discussions” about the laundry, the dishes, the dog, the spending, the saving, the planning. But those are pretty tame.

We’ve learned over the last year that if we’re going to be within 6 feet of each other (above ground and all) all the time, we should probably talk things through as soon as they bother us. We’ve had 14.5 years of practicing this, so it’s just about the constant daily choice to make those efforts for good communication.

Since our 6-month check in, I can’t think of any *big* arguments that have happened a la the wine incident of 2018 that shall hence forth not be named (mainly because I was most likely acting like a brat sooo… let’s just forget it ever happened, hey?). I know, I know, you came here for me to dish the drama and I’m all… sorry no fight club for you! I think one of our biggest ongoing struggles is disagreeing on the “best” way to do things and what we want out of this trip to make it great.

For example:

• I really want to have as little stuff as possible, particularly in the back seat when we drive, while Stephen is slowly growing the food/tupperware collection.
• I’m definitely getting tired of “free stuff” as I feel like we’re missing out on some of the coolest things to do like firing a gun and riding horses in Texas (not at the same time – I’m not an actual cowgirl), while Stephen is like “Hey there’s this dirt path we haven’t walked for free yet, let’s check it out!”
• He’s probably also a little tired of prairie dogs. I’m all about the animals and will happily sit and watch them… all day long. The only animals Stephen is currently concerned with are the kitties in the Simon’s Cat game on his phone – (he’s at level 1000 or something).

I have very different needs than Stephen in terms of experiences, interactions with others and fulfilling my hopes and dreams while still undertaking this journey with some joy. Stephen, as you’ve come to find, loves the parts of the road trip that I do not, like stats and gift card deals that make all this possible.

It’s like a game for him – you know, a fun one like Settlers of Catan. Whereas for me, some days it’s like trying to survive the longest game of Monopoly ever (you know the ones where you’re like “Please, just bankrupt me already – we’ve been at this for 5 hours!”).

That’s what this first year has been like. Reflecting on that over the past few weeks, as we often do at the end of a year, I’m working on some things to try and see what I can do to not just survive the road trip, but actually thrive.

Stephen’s Year

Stephen is *generally* (and definitely when compared to me) a man of few words, especially when I ask about how he’s feeling on this trip. So here’s a summation of how those check-ins have gone.

Me: Hey hubs, just checking in, how are you feeling, are you still enjoying the trip? Anything I can do to make it better?

Hubs: Nope. I’m still enjoying it. Sometimes I’m stressed about the budget.

Yup. That’s it. You’ve now experienced the deep inner workings of Stephen’s heart. You can see so much about what I fell in love with there. I jest (sort of). Stephen has tons of deep thoughts, kind words and wonderful attributes. I’m going to leave this space for him to add anything he’d like so he gets his say. OK hubs… Anything else to add?

Nope. I’m still enjoying it. Sometimes I’m stressed about the budget. 😉

Shae’s Year

Grab your cuppa (tea, coffee, wine…) and settle in. Here’s what you came here for. Emotion. Drama. The ups. The downs. It’s all here ready to be served up on a platter for your consumption.

So, let’s just get this out of the way. I’m happy to be on this road trip. If you know me, I don’t do much that I don’t want to. I may regret it later because I tend to say ‘Yes’ to a lot of things but generally, if I’ve made the effort do to something, it’s because on some level I want to.

That being said, this is Stephen’s dream.

I worked on pursuing my dreams for the first 12 years of our marriage. And Stephen supported the CRAP out of them. We moved over 10 times in the first 11 years of our marriage, usually so that I could do a job somewhere that gave me fulfillment. I got my Master’s Degree in Youth Work and Community Development which included 2 years of struggle, financially and emotionally. We moved back to the US to work together trying to make a difference in the lives of teens in California. We moved to Thailand so I could get experience in global education. I started up my own non-profit (that I’d been dreaming of for 8 years) and tried to make it work for over a year. As that non-profit was in a make or break moment (keep slogging or close it down), Stephen shared his dream of this trip.

I was excited. Who doesn’t want to go on a wild adventure across the country? Meeting new people. Trying new foods. Living the dream, right? I was all about it. We closed down the non-profit and I went to back to work teaching full-time and had a few part-time jobs on the side to try and sock away as much money as we could before January 1, 2018.

Early on, I had to realize that when it comes to the trip, overall, I want (and need) to defer to Stephen. I’m full of ideas and goals but I can be overpowering (what!? me? NEVER!) and so if I really wanted to best support Stephen in reaching his full potential on this trip, I’d have to let him take the lead.

But how does that work? When you’re a driven, goal-oriented person, who has a very strong NEED to be fulfilled and make a difference in order to feel halfway human, but you have to “sit back” and passively experience someone else’s successes for a while. That’s what this year has been about for me. And, as the post’s title suggests, I’ve survived, but not necessarily thrived.

I figured this would be a sabbatical from years of youth work and teaching (which is no bad thing – burnout is real!). I had ideas on what I might do to better connect with “me” and find new passions and pursuits. As a creative person, I’m BURSTING with ideas, but the execution of them can often be tricky. Especially on the road when there’s little immediate feedback (like students standing in front of you saying you’re their favorite teacher ever!).

In 2018 I tried the following:

1. Truffles Travels – Her blog, her IG, her Facebook, her ‘brand.’
2. My own travel photography – This morphed into learning a lot more about pet photography (see #1) as a way to have a new challenge each week.
3. I toyed with writing a personal blog about anxiety and travel – didn’t do anything with it.
4. The StoryWeaver – a YouTube channel focusing on reading books to/with kids and teens.
5. I toyed with the Traveling Teach- lessons for home school students about our travels.
6. I toyed with my ongoing youth work idea of a questions and answers website and app for parents to use as a resource.
7. Started taking classes with the Storyteller Academy and began focusing on picture book writing for children.

It’s also been weighing on me that I don’t bring in any income. Not that that’s the live all and end all of the trip. But if I want to visit badgers and sleepover with sloths, I need $$$$$$. Stephen’s income brings in enough for what we need on the trip, but I have a lot of wants (which I recognize).

As a result (and because I also struggle daily *read: moment by moment* with Generalized Anxiety Disorder), I’ve struggled with depression off and on over the course of this year. I had a 3 week funk in November that was really hard. I struggled to get out of bed each day. I didn’t do much other than eke out a picture of Truffles for the blog. I drank a lot of wine and ate a lot of snacks.

You’d think with all the free walking Stephen is making us do, and the control of our (basically unlimited) free time, I’d be in the gym and in the best shape ever. Nope. I’ve put on 30lbs just this year alone. That’s THREE TRUFFLES’. I can barely carry one Truffles for a bit, I certainly don’t need an extra 2 on top of the multiple extra Truffles’ I’m already carrying on my frame. (Yes, I often measure things in Truffles’).

So it was time for some soul searching. What do I love? Teaching. I can’t get away from it. It’s the thing that when I’m doing it I go “this is what I’m here for.” So I went back around to the idea of the Traveling Teach. I could start up that channel and give it a go, or I could stop doing things the harder way, and sign up with one of the many online schools that now offer classes for homeschoolers and those who want more learning opportunities outside the traditional classroom.

I’m also really loving storytelling. I think I’m a pretty natural storyteller, but that doesn’t always translate to getting children’s books written and stories published. I have stories to tell and lessons to share and while I can’t teach every kid out there, I can – with work and effort – hone my storytelling craft and put books into the hands of children I won’t ever meet.

Photography is definitely a passion, and a hobby, and I’m going to keep being creative and working on my skills, but that will be more for me and my enjoyment. If people want to have me take pictures for them or order prints that’s fantastic, but that’s not why I’m doing it. I’m doing it because it makes me happy.

I have health and fitness goals (which have already been a little derailed by falls and sickness in late 2018) for this year, but I’m going to keep plugging along and get these pounds off one Truffles at a time.

Finally, I’ll be continuing to focus on how to best support Stephen as he makes No Home Just Roam the best adventure it can be.

So here’s what 2019 has in store for me:

1. As of yesterday, I’m officially a teacher with Outschool and will have classes loading in the next few weeks. I can make a little money, but more importantly I’ll be doing work that brings me fulfillment. This will also help me create and keep a schedule which can be really challenging on the road.
2. Continue taking classes with Storyteller Academy and approach agents this year with my stories about anxiety for children. This is a long term goal and will hopefully create future opportunities for income and interaction with schools that still fits perfectly with our full-time travel lifestyle.
3. Take more pictures and learn more about digital photography art through Photoshop. I can’t wait to see Bali!
4. Move more and eat less/better.
5. Contribute posts, keep our inner circle group connected, and continue in my role of Road Trip PR and Official Talker. (Truffles Travels will continue on IG and FB, but her blog is going away this year.)

And that’s it. If it’s a great idea that I have and it doesn’t fit in these goals, it’s not getting done in 2019. It’s all about thriving this year – in marriage, in adventure, in personal goals – not just surviving.