We rocked up at the nondescript Chicago pub at 8:30pm on a Friday night, about 90 minutes before the action started.
We’ve bet on hermit crab races in Jamaica.
We’ve cheered on goats racing in Ohio.
But turtle racing at Big Joe’s was the first time we’d get to experience reptiles rushing towards a finish line.
We weren’t entirely sure what to expect when entering, but it was just a regular bar with baseball on the big screen behind the bar. For now.
Shae had called ahead of time to find out how early we should arrive and the person she spoke to said it can get busy extremely quickly. She managed to snag a table in the corner while I grabbed us some drinks.
In addition to regular drinks, Big Joe’s offered specialty drinks named after the five turtles that’d be racing later that evening.
I got a pint of Guinness, while Shae wanted one of the specialty cocktails – a Swisher. You get turtle race tickets for every drink you buy, so the more you drink, the better chance you have of getting a turtle. Big Joe’s is smart!
While waiting for the turtle races to start, we took a look around the rest of the bar to check out where the action would take place. Up a few steps at the back of the pub is a cordoned-off area that’s home to the turtle field pitch court racetrack (?!)
The awards on the wall are sadly not dedicated to legendary turtle racers of yesteryear, but darts teams that play at Big Joe’s.
To play on the popularity of turtle racing, there are all kinds of turtle signs and paraphernalia around the pub.
After a long wait that may or may not have been due to the turtles having to walk miles to Big Joe’s, it was racing time! The guy organizing the races (I didn’t get his name) let all us turtle racing newbies know the rules.
He’d pick raffle tickets out of a bucket and the person with the corresponding number would pick a ball with a number on it. That number would determine which turtle you got in the race:
- Chucks
- Doozy
- Swisher
- Lucky Dan
- Jolanda
He made clear that you don’t want Jolanda as she is, and I quote, “The slowest @!#&ing turtle in the world”. OK, so that’s not a direct quote seeing as he didn’t say “The slowest at-exclamation-mark-pound-ampersanding turtle in the world”. However, my Mum (I’m British) reads this, so my typing will retain its innocence 😉
There are five races every Friday night, so only 25 winning tickets overall. So you’d better drink up to get more tickets to increase the chances of one of your tickets being picked.
With the rules done, it was ticket-picking time. Shae and I are on a tight budget on our 50 state road trip, so we only had a dozen tickets (I think you get three tickets per drink). We sadly didn’t have any of our numbers called out for the first race, but that didn’t dim our enthusiasm.
We’d moved up to the racetrack early, so had a good view. As they prepared for the turtle race, we saw Tyler the Turtle Wrangler move the turtles to their starting positions.
The sound of racehorses about to set off was played over the speakers and the turtles were off!
The turtles (other than Jolanda) were surprisingly fast and the race was over in a matter of seconds. The winner – as in the person, not the turtle – got a free T-shirt. Big Joe’s has sadly missed an opportunity by not giving out turtlenecks rather than T-shirts. The person whose turtle came last (i.e. Jolanda) got a token for a free drink from the bar.
About 25 minutes later, it was time for race number two. I decided to film it in all its glory, so here it is. If you have sensitive ears *cough*Mum*cough*, be aware that there’s some unsavory language in there directed at Jolanda. My understanding is that it’s all water off a duck’s turtle’s back and that she doesn’t feel speed-shamed.
And Swisher wins! Jolanda started off strong, but faded quickly after a few steps. To be fair, she did seem to be carrying some holiday weight. I’m not sure which holiday – possibly all of them.
The back of the pub was starting to get warm, so we headed outside for some fresh air. The pub broadcasts the races on screens both at the back of the pub and behind the bar, so we decided to watch the third race in the downstairs area.
By the time that race was finished, it was 11:15pm. I’d love to say we stayed to watch all the races but, like Jolanda, we tire quickly. Our hotel was out in Schaumburg, so was a 45+ minute drive away from Big Joe’s. That meant we wouldn’t get back until at least midnight and Shae had to be up early the following morning to meet Doug The Pug.
Unfortunately that meant we missed the fourth and fifth races, so we gave our tickets to the people sitting at the table next to us. After all five races are done, there’s a sixth winners race where the five previous winners from that night compete to see who’s best-of-the-best. The winner of that final race gets entered to win a trip to Las Vegas for a turtle tournament there.
Address
Big Joe’s 2 & 6 Pub, 1818 W Foster Ave, Chicago, IL 60640
Love this write up 🙂 Looks like lots of fun!
Thanks! It was loads of fun, definitely worth checking out if you ever visit Chicago.
just being curious on Turtle day…. at any part of the night did the turtles seem like they were uncomfortable?
at any part of the night did you feel uncomfortable?
just wondering because it just seems like a form of animal torture… no judgment at all, it just seems odd that this happens in a city like Chicago.
From what we could tell, they all seemed fine. We wouldn’t be keen on activities that harmed animal welfare, but because this is only done one day a week and there’s no abuse involved, it seemed fine overall.