Happy anniversary to us!
Shae and I got married 15 years ago on Virginia Beach oceanfront and I realized recently that I’d never shared on the blog the story of how we met and got engaged.
Looking back, it’s hard to believe how our relationship came about and that 15 years later we’re still happily married. It involves the craziest and most impetuous thing I’ve ever done, so sit back and enjoy our unlikely tale.
(This is Shae – I was going to let this post be by Stephen, but after reading it it’s full of inaccuracies – so what kind of wife would I be if I let the husband think he was right when he’s clearly not? Please read the italics for the true version of events.)
The Beginning
It all started with MTV, back when MTV actually showed music videos. I had it on in the background one afternoon and saw the music video for P.O.D.’s song Alive.
(It all started when I went to SUNY Stony Brook in NY for college and made some friends who listened to P.O.D. – one we affectionately called P.O.D. Pete.)
I fell in love with the song and their album Satellite and checked out their website. Their site had message boards, but there were a lot of grumpy people on there and so it wasn’t a fun place to hang out online.
Due to their growing popularity in the UK, they set up a site for UK-based fans of which I was one. The UK message boards were a much friendlier place, so I ended up hanging out on there a fair bit. There seemed to be quite a few members, but there was a core of probably 20-30 fans who posted on the boards a lot.
One of those was someone who went by the handle Songsinger4Him. Despite these being message boards for UK fans, she lived in the US. She’d had a similar experience as me on their US site though – not enjoying all the arguments – so decided to take part on the UK site.
(We didn’t have a lot internet in my house as it became popular so I was a little behind the times, but I thought it was so cool you could talk to people in the UK, and yes, the American boards were the worst!)
As you might have guessed, Songsinger4Him was Shae. (He was Pepabs – because his nickname was Pep and someone said he had eyes like some guy from a boy band named Abs or something.) Our memories of how we first started talking diverge a little, so I’ll tell you the correct version of the story (i.e. mine 😉 (MINE) ).
Although the message boards were primarily about P.O.D., there were sub-forums where members would talk about general stuff. Shae had been posting about a decision she needed to make regarding whether to go to school in New York (different school this time), so I messaged her some advice and encouragement. (n.b. Her version of the story is that she contacted me to ask for my advice.)
(This is the accurate version which I have proven to Stephen Pepper with printed messages in a notebook that I kept)
We subsequently started messaging back and forth. Early on, we bonded over the fact that many of our friends were getting married, but that neither of us were sure we’d ever get married to anyone. Oh, the irony. (This is true.)
The Relationship Starts
After what was probably a couple of weeks of private messaging, I realized that I looked forward to each message I got from her. Shae felt the same way and suggested that we didn’t see anyone else while we worked out what this whole thing was.
(One of us is cute and had a few prospects in the mix and needed to be pinned down to ensure they were really into the other – the other is me. We did NOT make this agreement about seeing other people until August when we were talking on the phone.)
The thing you need to remember is that this was 2003. There was no Facebook. There was no Skype. Online communication was therefore much more primitive, so we relied on MSN Messenger for “dates” where we could chat in real time. We’d send each other lengthy emails and even sent each other actual letters. (Stephen’s italics, not Shae’s!)
A couple of months after we started chatting online, Shae surprised me with a phone call. (Stephen surprised me first with sending me flowers at my job on my birthday since he was away helping lead a youth camp and couldn’t call me, so I tracked down another friend in the UK boards – Caroline – and got his number to thank him.) I’m awkward enough on the phone as it is, but here’s the girl I’m sort of seeing from a completely different continent calling me out of the blue. If there was anyone listening in to our conversation, it was probably incredibly cringe-worthy, although I don’t remember what we talked about. (We talked for only a couple of minutes because his mom was sitting in the car with him ready to leave and he hadn’t mentioned me yet to her – it was awkward, but his English accent was undeniably cute!)
After that, we started talking on the phone more frequently. Again, this was before the days of Skype, so international phone calls were expensive. I therefore bought international phone cards which made overseas calling much cheaper, so we started chatting on the phone for 1-3 hours every night. (And a few times for 6-8 hours)
The thing that’s interesting is that being in separate countries helped us get to know each other better than if we’d been face-to-face. Only being able to communicate from a distance meant all we could do was talk, so we got to know each other incredibly well. If we’d been together in person, we’d have likely gone out to dinner, watched movies, etc., so we probably wouldn’t have had so many in-depth conversations.
The Relationship Progresses
As time went on, both of us knew that we were serious about each other and that we needed to meet in person. I therefore booked a flight to the US over Christmas and New Year so that we could finally see each other. With no video chat options back in 2003, we’d only seen photos of each other that we’d mailed to each other.
Some of our conversations turned more serious too, as in marriage serious. It might seem strange that two people in their early 20s who’d never met in person and who lived in completely different countries would be talking about marriage, but it seemed like the most natural thing in the world. We talked about how great it would be to get married on Virginia Beach oceanfront, close to where Shae lived in Portsmouth, Virginia.
The Big Risk
As my trip to meet Shae grew closer, I knew that she was the person I wanted to be with for the rest of my life. I therefore did the craziest and most impetuous thing I’ve ever done in my life – I went out and bought an engagement ring before the trip, so before we’d even met face-to-face.
The thing is, I wanted the proposal to be a secret. I therefore played it cool with Shae, making it seem like I wasn’t sure if I thought the time was right for us to be getting engaged. We’d talked previously about possibly getting married the following summer, so she’d need to know if she was going to plan for that. I didn’t want to do a Chandler from Friends though and make her think I never wanted to get married, so I just tried avoiding the conversation where possible. (He fooled me – I was completely bamboozled.)
The Meeting
After what felt like years but was only a matter of a few short months, Shae and I finally met. It was initially a little awkward; we were boyfriend and girlfriend but we’d never met, so when I held her hand it was somewhat strange for both of us. (He grabbed my hand as we walked out of the airport and it was weird. Also, side note: looking back, who lets their daughter go to the airport to meet a stranger without anyone else there? My mom, that’s who – it’s more a commentary of how much grace, love and trust my mom has in humanity than her negligence as a parent.)
Thankfully her mom and stepdad were incredibly trusting (see above), letting this complete stranger from another country come and stay on their couch for the week. After our initial awkwardness at the airport, things felt much more normal and we realized that we were good together not only online but in person too.
The Proposal
I’d love to say that my proposal was the most romantic thing that anyone had ever done, but it sadly wasn’t. My plan had been to propose to her at Virginia Beach oceanfront seeing as we’d discussed getting married there previously.
After going out for breakfast, Shae suggested we go to the beach. This was a problem though as I didn’t have the ring on me, so I wouldn’t be able to propose. This was also the only time we were due to be going to the beach during my trip. I didn’t have my driver’s license back then either, so it’s not like I could’ve surprised her by taking her there one evening at sunset. Asking her to randomly take me to the beach on another day would’ve tipped her off too.
A couple of days passed and it was now New Year’s Day. We were sitting on her couch watching TV, both feeling sad that I was due to leave a day or two later. We were both feeling a little emotional and had been saying how much we loved each other, so it seemed like now would be the perfect time to propose.
I went and got the ring from my bag, got down on one knee and proposed. I can’t remember for the life of me what words I used, but she said yes!
(Here’s how it went. Sitting at my house, watching Queer Eye for the Straight Guy – as it was known then – and he’s like, “I love you.” I’m all “yeah I love you too” – because hello, watching QE!! – and then he’s like “I can’t imagine my life without you” and I’m all “yeah, me too”…Then HE GETS DOWN ON ONE KNEE!! I jump up and say stop you can’t do this now and tried to turn off the TV. HAHAHA! Yup. That’s how it happened – step aside romantic beach proposal – you have nothing on distracted TV proposal in Portsmouth. Frankly though, like many things in our life, it just makes us smile and laugh now, so really that’s all that matters.)
The Wedding
I had to fly back to the UK soon after that, so we continued chatting on the phone every night for the next few months. Shae then visited the UK in April, getting to meet my friends and family.
I then moved to the US in June or July (June) giving us a few (9) weeks together before the wedding so that we could do some pre-marital counseling and actually get to spend some time together before the wedding.
As for the wedding, we got incredibly lucky. A hurricane rolled through Virginia a day or two before our wedding, then another one hit a couple of days after. August 7, 2004 had beautiful weather though, so we were able to get married at Virginia Beach as planned.
(I really wanted to get married at sunrise, but one of us – *cough* Stephen – wasn’t interested in that early start – a fact that has continued on in our marriage. We got married at 9am and had a brunch reception at a local restaurant. We spent the afternoon at the beach with all our friends and left for our honeymoon to Ireland the next day. That had always been my dream honeymoon; I didn’t even know a place like the Maldives existed at the time)
15 Years Later
And here we are 15 years later, still happily married. Things aren’t always perfect, but we’re fortunate to still love each other, especially seeing as we’re around each other 24/7.
I’m married to the most incredible woman, who’s willing to uproot her life and travel around the country with me. She’s funny, kind, thoughtful, generous, fun-loving, an amazing teacher/youth worker and usually whips my butt at cornhole.
(True story – I’m the cornhole queen. He’s pretty great himself – kind, funny (most days), a great dog-dad to Truffles, adventurous (after much influence by yours truly) and I love him more each day.)
Looking back, I can’t believe that it all started after I saw a random music video on MTV and that 15 years I’m married to someone I met online, long before the days when online dating was commonplace.
Here’s to the next 15 years 🙂
Glenn says
I just love that story. MTV!!!!!!!! Best wishes for your continued adventures♥️
stephen says
Thanks Glenn!
Lisa says
I heard Shae’s version when we resided in Dickens’ town a few years ago. I also learned how much she loved Christmas and singing Christmas songs at that time. It was fun to get Stephen’s version of the love story!
stephen says
The true version of the story 😉
Jeanette Armstrong says
Happy Anniversary, such a fantastic way to meet 🙂
stephen says
Thank you 🙂
Brittany says
This is adorable and I loved hearing the story from both of your perspectives. I love both of you, and the two of you together! Happy anniversary! And Stephen, I knew you were likely to take a wife!
stephen says
Hahaha! I love it when people get Friends references 🙂
Traci says
Happy Anniversary!
What a great love story!
stephen says
Thanks Traci 🙂
Bek says
Ha ha loved this story guys! I remember Shae telling me when we worked together in the UK and l was like “really l would never be brave enough to do that” but good on you two and look at you now 🙏🏻❤️
stephen says
Thanks!
Richard Woodger says
Great story. The boyband was Five, the singer was Abs!
stephen says
Ah, so you see it in my eyes too 😉